The BukranBlog

Whoops

2012-01-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

I only posted once in 2011?

That's embarrassing...

Imported from Detroit

2011-02-23T19:23:00.008-07:00

At first I balked at this ad campaign.

The more I thought about it, though, I liked it.

I hope Chrysler's advertising agency continues to strike such a tone.

Beyond the world of commercials, I saw new Chrysler 200 on the interstate a few days ago.

It really is a slick-lookin' car.

"Chevy Runs Deep," however, is still a lame tagline.

September 1st, 2010

2010-09-01T20:43:00.005-07:00

Independence Day!

Millions of Peaches

2010-08-25T20:18:00.001-07:00

One of the all-time Maury Povich classics I was reminded of the other day while back home...

It's Hard to Rhyme a Word With Mosque

2010-08-20T21:57:00.006-07:00

Initially, I strongly pooh-poohed the "Ground Zero Mosque" when reports of its planning first made news (the name had led me to believe it was actually going to be constructed in the Ground Zero complex).

Then I learned that this name is a misnomer--it's actually two blocks away from Ground Zero. My opposition quickly faded away in the warm and cherished parchment of the U.S. Constitution.

Shortly thereafter, I learned that the Imam behind the creation of this Mosque is a radical bloke--stating that U.S. policy was "complicit" with the 9/11 attacks. He also refuses to label Hamas a terrorist organization. My support was withdrawn.

Then it was made known to me that this "moderate" Imam is a "goodwill ambassador" for the Obama administration, preaching an (in his words) "Americanized Islam" to the rest of the Muslim world (courtesy of U.S. taxpayers). My opposition calcified.

Taxpayer dollars have no business flying radical clerics across the globe to speak with other radicals who happen to be closer to Mecca.

Public funds also have no business funding such a religious building project in direct violation of constitutional principles.

Once the doting Obama threw himself in the fray of the controversy, the majority (68%!) of Americans had made up their minds that the mosque should not be built.

We now see some interesting fallout as a result of the president's intervention (or perhaps due to his previous religious ambiguity)...24% of Americans in a recent poll thought Obama was Muslim. One in four!

Construction workers in New York and their unions also now have pledged to decline any work related to this mosque.

In the end, this issue boils down to 3,000 deceased persons whose families have sworn never to forget or dishonor.

To have a symbol of the fanaticism (in the minds of most victims' families) that drove men to kill next-door to the literal killing field and burial ground of their loved ones' is simply unacceptable.

Nine years is simply too soon to have had their collective memories fade enough from the horror and death they experienced.

It Takes Two To Play Chicken

2010-08-12T18:48:00.002-07:00

On the way up to Au Gres this past week a large sheet of painted plywood in a front lawn in Standish caught my eye. It shouted:

ANY WORKING PERSON WHO VOTES REPUBLICAN IS LIKE A CHICKEN WHO SUPPORTS COLONEL SANDERS

In the spirit of bipartisanship, I wanted to erect a companion message next to it:

ANY UNION MEMBER WHO VOTES DEMOCRAT IS LIKE A PROSTITUTE WHO PAYS A PIMP FOR "PROTECTION"

The Funniest Thing I Ever Saw

2010-08-01T17:59:00.005-07:00

In the 5th grade, every child is mandated to do a report on one of our fifty fabulous states.

Many students brought treats associated with that state (I brought oranges because I showcased the great State of Florida).

Several students also brought relatives to watch the oral portion of the report, as it was the largest project we'd completed so far in our elementary education.

The girl who exhibited Washington state brought green Granny Smith apples to share with everyone once she had finished extolling the virtues of the Pacific Northwest. Her grandmother and mother had come to support her.

Whoever had sliced the apples had forgotten to remove their trademark white stickers. In the corner of my eye, what did I witness...but GRANDMA eating an entire STICKER on a fresh slice of fruit!

I fell out of my chair in hysterics and almost got kicked out of class. I struggled to suppress my laughter.

To this day, I copiously inspect every apple I eat for proper prior sticker removal protocol.

So I don't end up like that granny eating a Granny in Mrs. Winter's class.

Lessons for Life, Lessons for Eternity

2010-06-20T16:05:00.004-07:00

I don't remember much about that first blur of a day in the MTC, but I do remember the very last thing my father told me before I entered into those point-of-no-return doors after the rest of my family had tearfully said good-bye.

With the air of a proud patriarch, he simply said, "Work hard, son."

This vignette is demonstrative of the two greatest lessons I learned from my father's example.

Service to others, to the church, and the value of hard work.

It held true on the mission, and it holds true now as a father myself.

Thanks, Dad.

Knock Knock Knock Out

2010-06-20T06:14:00.004-07:00

-Knock knock.

-Who's there?

-Interrupting one-term president.

-Interrupting one-term pres--

-BARACK OBAMA!

Parody or Desecration?

2010-06-16T16:56:00.005-07:00

You decide.

Either way, George Lucas just made several more million dollars overnight.

Props to anyone who can name the cameos in this vid beyond Snoop Dogg and David Beckham.

Oh, and I officially don't care about the World Cup--Ecuador missed qualifying by ONE point.

Just a Phase

2010-06-16T16:51:00.003-07:00

Hey, do you remember the smash internet phenomenon of 2004 known as homestarrunner.com?

Me neither.

Lost on Me

2010-06-13T12:09:00.002-07:00

So the TV series Lost recently ended...

(I never watched a single episode)

...and I still don't care.

My theory on the series finale?

The writers were completely making it up as they went along.

Smoke monsters? Time travel? Evil corporations? Double-chinned characters?

Total rubbish.

How convenient that such rubbish was the product of "what might have been" if a bunch of DEAD people hadn't DIED.

Get off your hypothetical horse, Hollywood. You're on notice.

How Do We Expect Our Children to Learn If We Can't Show Them?

2010-06-06T11:40:00.008-07:00

This is perhaps the best warning to date we've ever read for one of Steven's toys.

It came off of a toy lawnmower that blows bubbles.

Please make sure your child does not follow you using this toy while you are operating a real lawn mower. Your child should play in a separate area away from the area where you are mowing.

Lawyers. They're always ruining teachable moments about landscaping with our children.

Memorial

2010-05-31T18:34:00.004-07:00

Both of my grandfathers served in the US Army. They are my closest links to service in the military. I never really got to know either one of them. One was gone before I was born and the other passed before I was mature enough to care.

Neither ever saw combat. These were men who served as vital cogs in our well-oiled American fighting machine behind the scenes.

One was a cook.

The other was a jack-of-all-trades, performing services at various times as a jeep mechanic, jet fighter radar repairman, barber, and even a bartender. (He had specifically been commissioned a bartender by an officer who knew he was an active LDS serviceman who wouldn't drink any of the bar's inventory.)

The latter served on Enewetak Atoll.

You've likely never heard of this place, but it actually saw the world's first hydrogen bomb blast.

Grandpa was quite sick during his last years on earth. He didn't say or do much. Some in the family speculated it was due to those nuclear tests he'd been privy to--but nothing was ever proven.

The full measure of a veteran's sacrifice often is not meted out until many years after their actual service.

This is the lesson I learned from a grandfather who never spoke to me once about his time in the army.

Sometimes You Only Can Give Someone Something in Death They Never Had in Life

2010-05-31T18:13:00.007-07:00

Gary Coleman has joined a litany of child stars on the other side of the veil.

While this could potentially spawn a bevvy of hilarious posts...for once, I'm gonna let the guy rest in peace. Perhaps in death we can restore his humanity as opposed to viewing it as the final chapter of a cautionary tale of Hollywood fame and fortune.

The good television gaveth, and the good television took away.

Guest Celebrity Mentors I'd Like to See on the Next Season of American Idol

2010-05-27T18:41:00.007-07:00

-Neil Diamond

-The reanimated corpse of Freddy Mercury

-Prince

-The ghost of Michael Jackson

-Miranda Cosgrove*

*I'm a big iCarly fan--so sue me

Border Explorer

2010-05-23T15:07:00.005-07:00

The country currently debates two pressing matters regarding immigration:

1. Should Arizona enforce federal immigration code through its own state law?

2. Is Dora the Explorer, in fact, an illegal alien?

The answer to both? ¡Sí!

Motorhead Is Not Just A Name For A Band...

2010-05-23T14:41:00.004-07:00

Alright, I'll admit it.

I'm a car nerd.

I don't know if it's my current line of work or the inevitability of becoming more like my father as I age, but I am officially geeked out by all things automotive.

I subscribe to Motor Trend, Car and Driver, and Automobile magazine and frequently can be found surfing all the major manufacturer's websites for their latest news.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Blog posts in the future likely will whiff of gas and oil.

Yo, Tevya! If I Were A Rich Man...

2010-05-23T14:24:00.004-07:00

I'd pay an Asian guy to sing Neil Diamond karaoke...poorly.

Man vs. Film

2010-02-17T18:52:00.004-07:00

You finally got my $22.50 to see your über-duper-super-atomic blockbuster Avatar.

Happy now, James Cameron?

What You Learn When You Become A Dad #1,021

2010-02-14T13:56:00.002-07:00

You can never have too many spare pacifiers strewn about your house.

What Happens When You Become A Dad #682

2009-11-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

Your church clothes get weird stains on them...but you can't recall when they happened.

Blatant Zander Shoutout

2009-11-05T21:02:00.006-07:00

Women often wonder about how men bond...

The answer is easy:
The virtues of witchin' a ditch.

Matthew, Mark, Luke, Juan

2009-10-26T01:02:00.004-07:00

Philemon is pronounced FILL-uh-mon, not fi-LEE-mon, right?

We sang the Books of the New Testament song in primary (I was substituting for my old class) and I felt that the children were being led astray on the matter...

Fame

2009-10-22T20:14:00.003-07:00

I helped out a man at work today who was obviously wealthy--he had just smashed up his 2009 Cadillac Escalade.

I could tell he was someone of significant stature by the reverential treatment the personnel at the body shop gave him.

He was badly shaken up by the accident and uttered a few lines about "the blessing and the curse of his famous name."

I had no idea to what he was referring to.

Only when he left did my coworker inform me he was one of the sons of Mike Ilitch--owner of the Detroit Red Wings/Detroit Tigers and founder of Little Caesar's Pizza.

I guess I still haven't lived here long enough to know the local celebrities.

Maybe I need to watch SportsCenter more...

Nah.

Speaking of local celebrities...I learned randomly from the aforementioned link that this esteemed humanitarian was given Detroit's key to the city.

Wow.

Vocab Word of the Day

2009-10-20T20:10:00.003-07:00

Apotheosis

Look it up.

Then write a six page essay about why it's applicable to the current debate over Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Story of Nothing

2009-10-10T04:04:00.006-07:00

Barack Obama became the junior senator from Illinois...for doing...nothing (except having extraordinary ties in the corrupt Chicago political machine).

Barack Obama won the presidency of the United States...for doing...nothing (except not being Bush).

Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize...for doing...nothing (except not being Bush).

I initially laughed, and then I cringed.

First Arafat, then Gore, now Obama?

Let's face it: these days, the award means nothing.

...so in that sense I guess he did earn it.

Whodiddit

2009-10-08T19:07:00.002-07:00

Who built the great pyramids at Giza? Aliens.

Who is responsible for the mysterious disappearances over the Bermuda Triangle? Aliens.

Who gave the Nazis advanced rocket and jet propulsion technology? Aliens.

Who shot JFK? Aliens*.

Yes, extraterrestrials have played a role in virtually every major historical event on planet earth.

Don't you ever watch the History Channel?

*Also acceptable: Nazis

Armchair Prophet

2009-10-04T18:47:00.003-07:00

Elder Gibbons recounted a story from church history I had never heard before in this month's Ensign.

In May 1978, before this revelation [on the priesthood] was announced to the Church, the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles met in the Salt Lake Temple. At the conclusion of the meeting, Elder LeGrand Richards (1886–1983) asked if he might say a few words. He told the Brethren that during the meeting he had seen a personage sitting in an armchair above the organ. He said the personage was President Wilford Woodruff (1807–1898) and suggested that perhaps he had seen President Woodruff because he was the only one who would recognize him. Elder Richards, who was six years old when he saw President Woodruff dedicate the Salt Lake Temple, was the only one in the room who had seen him alive.

Isn’t it interesting that this former prophet, who himself had announced a significant revelation related to Church policy, appeared as a witness of the truth and importance of this new revelation about to be announced?

I can see President Woodruff now...gazing upon the brethren with his piercing eyes...approving of the next great leap forward in church policy since he had issued The Manifesto...firmly ensconced in his prophetic La-Z-Boy.

Thou Shalt Blog

2009-10-04T17:34:00.003-07:00

Yup, now it's a commandment.

Sort of.

While this blog isn't exclusively devoted to church matters, I hope it holds true to the above ideals of contributing to the online discussion of the restored gospel.

Post-Apocalyptic Boredom

2009-10-04T17:00:00.005-07:00

The show's premise had promise...but it soon became boring. The participants built a few cool ramshackle contraptions (i.e., the solar-powered cart) but it couldn't compensate for the phony "marauders" and a constant low-level drama that got tiring quick.

Sorry, Discovery Channel...this was a dud.

Swayze: In Memoriam

2009-09-19T12:06:00.003-07:00

Whether a rough and tumble boarder, a pedophile/motivational speaker, a teenage guerrilla, or a male stripper...he did it all.

This Is NOT A New Debate

2009-08-14T18:55:00.004-07:00

Finally...decent argumentation about the current health care debate...from 48 years ago!

I think The Gipper nails it...hear him out.

In This Historian's Opinion...

2009-08-14T18:03:00.003-07:00

My thanks to Katie for giving me the idea to put it here.

2009-08-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

Billy Mays In Memoriam: Husband, Father, Salesman Extroadinaire...Cokehead?

2009-08-08T12:46:00.006-07:00

So that's what kept Billy Mays going...

My guess as to what he called the fine Colombian product in question?

KABOOM!

A Throwback to the Provo Days

2009-08-02T15:55:00.001-07:00

The Day The Shouting Ended

2009-06-28T15:41:00.006-07:00

My television is maintaining itself at the same decibel level...what gives?

Crap! Billy Mays is dead.

Here's to the man who inherited the TV infomercial king mantle from Ron Popeil and became an icon of kitschy American consumerism.

Uncanny Grammar

2009-06-28T13:50:00.004-07:00

Why is it that we often say the word uncanny but never its antonym, canny?

"That's such a common practice of mine. How canny of me!"

Sounds ridiculous. But canny must be a real word...right? Is it possible for a word with a conventional prefix to not have an opposite even if you remove said prefix?

I'll let the linguists of the world sort this one out.

Jonathon Lame & Mr. Boring

2009-06-25T16:09:00.005-07:00

Has anyone else read this book? Highly recommended by critics and peers alike, I was excited to peruse its pages.

I thought it was going to be a fantastic contemporary melding of the traditions of Dickens, Austen, and Tolkien--full of deep characters and ornate swashbuckling. I had nothing but the highest of expectations.

Instead, I found a fanciful novel stuffed to the gills with footnotes that detail multiple alternative magical universes ad nauseum and characters who talk about everything but do nothing despite being in possesion of magical powers.

I've read half of it and thoroughly lost interest. I never leave a book unfinished!

Shame on you, overrated Jonathon Strange & Mr. Norrell. You are a chore--not a delight--to read.

The Empty Glove

2009-06-25T15:54:00.002-07:00

Michael Jackson: 1958-2009

Caption Contest

2009-06-21T15:59:00.007-07:00

While I was researching my previous post, I stumbled upon the fact that O.J. was one of our competitor's major spokesmen in the 70's:

I shall begin the contest in the comments section.

The O.J. Simpson Trial Revisited

2009-05-25T16:25:00.013-07:00

Despite a feeling I knew the case well, I recently dug deeper into the epic O.J. Simpson trial and learned a few things...

First of all, what do you know about the demographics of the jury? I was shocked when I learned that it consisted of:

1 Hispanic man
1 Black man
2 White women
and...
8! Black women

This final jury composition completely flew in the face of the prosecution's own jury consultant! Dingus prosecutor Marsha Clark, however, felt she had a long history of building a sympathetic rapport with black female jurors and decided to ignore the consultant's recommendations.

Prosecutors also completely ignored the jury consultant's recommendations by settling on the selection of five final jury members who reported negative past experiences with police and five jurors who said that physical force against family members was justified.

Bear in mind that the primary strategy of the prosecution was to paint Simpson as a violent domestic abuser while the defense's case was heavily rooted in accusations of a racist and corrupt police force.

This case was over before it even began.

Major pieces of evidence also were not presented to the jury. Despite its publicity, details of the white Bronco chase never made it to court, namely:

-Simpson's passport and a disguise kit complete with fake mustaches were found in the SUV--not tokens of an innocent man

-O.J. had a phone conversation on the L.A. freeway with police during which he threatened to commit suicide and was obviously not mentally composed

Prosecutors felt that this evidence could create empathy for Simpson, the poor picked-on runaway. The defense was all too obliging in barring the evidence from court. A fantastic miscalculation!

As for the bloody glove debacle, prosecutor Christopher Darden was advised from the beginning to not have Simpson try it on because blood/forensic testing/frozen cold storage had caused it to shrink. Darden initially was going to follow this counsel, but decided to go against this advice from his fellow prosecutors in a last-minute courtroom gamble and lost.

It's an embarrassing stain on the American psyche how clearly race shaped the public's perception of the trial. Most post-trial polls put the number of whites believing Simpson was guilty around 87% and the number of blacks believing the same around 27%. Underclass Blacks clearly wanted a hero to triumph against the "rigged and racist" American criminal justice system and found it in Orenthal James Simpson.

The prosecution made a colossal number of blunders while the defense played perfectly to their sympathies on the jury.

The final declaration of "not guilty" by the jury no longer shocks me since I've examined the trial's missteps. In fact, with all the facts before me, it's what I would have expected.

The O.J. Simpson trial jury

And Bukran Begat Steven

2009-05-24T20:32:00.001-07:00

Behold, the Seed of Bukran!

Victory Is Mine!

2009-05-13T19:23:00.003-07:00

While all three members of my college roommate canon (Steve "Swag" Hatch, Nate "Tote" Ross, and Sterling "Squirts" Sheffield) may have preceded me in marriage, soon I will have beaten all three in the race for posterity.

The last shall be first, and the first shall be last!

Star Trek XI: That Which Is Old Is New

2009-05-11T19:58:00.008-07:00

Star Trek managed to live up to its hype and be an entertaining piece of summer cinematic fare! Trekkies and Sci-Fi nerds rejoice!

Its young, talented actors breathed new life into the personalities of the original Star Trek series while maintaining the cliches of these canonized characters.

Kirk was more a punching bag than a captain in this movie, however. He gets beat up badly on four separate occasions--once by Federation cadets, twice by the Romulans, and once by Spock. By the end you're expecting that chiseled jawline to look like hamburger.

My only complaint was that Star Trek's villain was lame. A Romulan industrialist driven by blind revenge to destroy the Federation through time and space? Really??? Nero, I knew Khan. You're no Khan. Villains should be characters--not merely vehicles for antagonism.

There's a fair amount of humor injected into this film. Much of it, ironically, revolves around Spock. The best one liner? McCoy to Spock: "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?"

In conclusion, with its transporter close calls, photon torpedoes a' plenty, green alien women cameos, and more exploding planets than all six Star Wars movies combined, this ox gives J.J. Abrams' Star Trek two hooves up.

Would You Like To Swing On A Star?

2009-05-04T18:36:00.003-07:00

When I was a lad, I enjoyed the lighthearted fare on the television series Out of This World.

I recently perused its Wikipedia article.

Holy cow! Evie's dad was Burt Reynolds!

Who knew that the inhabitants of the planet Antareus were mustachioed Trans Am drivers?

Some things you just can't appreciate when you're a kid.

An Open Letter To My Son

2009-03-18T01:33:00.006-07:00

Dear Son,

Sorry you're going to be working for the rest of your life to pay off the current government bailouts.

We didn't vote for him--we promise.

Love,

Your Parents

The BukranBlog Salutes Black History Month: A Tribute to Some of the Greatest African-Americans of All Time

2009-02-16T21:58:00.020-07:00

Dear readers, your task is now to correctly name all 14 historical figures...who will be first?

P.S. By 'some of the greatest African-Americans of all time' I meant every black person I was aware of growing up in the all-white suburbs of Utah.

Ebony and Irony

2009-02-16T21:43:00.002-07:00

Now, I'm no sociology grad student...but this doesn't seem like the best way to combat negative stereotypes about Muslims...

It's Official

2009-01-18T22:34:00.004-07:00

I am my mother-in-law's favorite son-in-law.

She bestowed upon me the title while she and Mrs. Bukran were shopping the other day.

Apparently brother-in-law #1 is still trying to catch up from many initial years of not speaking to my mother-in-law even though he lived here as a newlywed.

Brother-in-law #2 had plenty to say to her when he lived here, but it was generally technobabble.

Both now live on the other end of the country.

So with my listening ear and geographic proximity, I win.

Victory!

"Bukran, You Are The Father" --Maury Povich

2008-12-30T19:10:00.004-07:00

Our child's gender has been determined via modern subuterine sonar.

Baby, our home is ready and eager to receive your presence.

...When you are fully gestated.

Barack Hussein Obama, The 44th President of the United States of America

2008-12-17T15:14:00.004-07:00

Just exactly how did the Bukran household celebrate such an historic political victory?

By turning his forehead into a memo pad and bestowing him with a mustache generally reserved for French villains/smelly kids in your elementary school yearbook.

Such doodling accurately reflects our feelings about November's electoral results.

For Once, I Agree With The Führer

2008-12-14T21:42:00.003-07:00

You Got Another Thing Comin'

2008-11-03T08:45:00.004-07:00

Sure enough, if all projections hold true, America will elect an opportunistic novice to the highest office in the land tomorrow.

Despite the critical situation at home and abroad we will have elected an exectuive neophyte in the name of "history" and/or vacuous "change."

But America loves to overcorrect--and Obama is as far away from W as you can get.

Here's for hoping for a "Dewey Defeats Truman" in '08.

Obama Takes Your Piece of the Pie

2008-10-28T19:18:00.005-07:00

Forget the anecdotes and a slew of red herrings. This financial crisis was caused by the federal government playing mortgage broker. The following video systematically documents the seeds and fallout of said current economic malaise. It runs at a very fast pace, so pausing it will likely be a necessity as your read its quotes and highlighted passages. The last few minutes are spent stumping, but I urge everyone to pay attention to the data and figures presented here.

Now, to whom should blame be affixed?

On a completely different note of a humorous air, I can't get enough of Barack Obama talking about pie.

It cracks me up.

The Home Stretch

2008-10-26T19:36:00.003-07:00

Huzzah! Someone finally asked the Obama campaign the tough questions of the moment!

The Obama campaign was so pleased it revoked all future interviews with this television station.

How is the media going to be able to accurately report truths about leftist President Obama without being bullied/blackmailed/smeared/denied by his support staff at this rate?

I think it's an ominous sign of things to come.

On another note, I think you all should read Charles Krauthammer's excellent piece articulating his vote for McCain.

My vote too will be cast based upon the matter of experience--and McCain has Obama schooled in that arena.

So here's to the Republican Ship in '08, Charles. It may be taking on water and ready to sink into the murky depths of political ignominy, but we held our bearings.

Ready to sail another day.

In Which I Attempt Voter Fraud

2008-10-21T08:25:00.003-07:00

Not really.

I received my absentee ballot from Utah in the mail yesterday. I only wanted a Presidential Primary ballot several months ago (which I never got) before I registered to vote here in Michigan.

I'll forego the temptation to break the law and vote twice.

Although the Utah ballot does proffer the opportunity to vote for PC mogul/crazy person Superdell for Governor...

Sigh. Michigan is a swing state but we've yet to have a gubernatorial candidate sporting a 70's detective-style mustache and a platform with the adjectives "totally awesome" inserted into every sentence.

Sometimes other people have all the electoral fun.

In Which I Debate The Debates

2008-10-21T08:01:00.003-07:00

The first two Presidential Debates I gave to Obama. He was consistently on top of his talking points and more fluid. Bear in mind that as an unabashed Republican I don't concede such things easily.

The Vice Presidential Debate I gave to Biden because of his grit and attention to detail. Many gave the debate to Palin. Expectations for her performance had been minimized by the media and the leftists. When she exceeded said low expectations, I believe the talking heads were surprised (they expected a bloodbath) and gave her the win instead of the Old Gray Mare. I thought Palin's performance was contrived, vague, and almost robotic--especially at the onset of the debate.

McCain finally came out swinging in the third debate. He hit home on Obama's true weaknesses and displayed a control and tenacity we'd been hoping for since the first debate. Obama looked terrible in the beginning--tired, worn down, and bland.

Yes, this conservative only gave one out of four debates to McCain/Palin--not a good sign.

Victory appears elusive in November as I'm convinced this election hinges more upon the vulnerability of the Republican brand than character, candidates, or issues.

There's Something About Barry...

2008-10-07T08:20:00.005-07:00

Barack Obama has been running his campaign for President for over a year and a half now.

What exactly bothers me the most about his ascension and possible presidency?

Is it his ties to radicals/race baiters/felons? Naw.

Is it the complicity of the media in heralding his gospel? Nope.

Is it his quasi-socialist agenda that will kneecap this already ailing economy? No, although this is a close second place.

It's Barack Obama's relentless, almost insatiable, quest for power.

Whether as President of the Harvard Law Review, a well-connected Illinois State Senator, a wunderkind U.S. Senator, or Democratic Presidential Candidate, Obama has demonstrated a clear pattern of creating ties and infrastructure to ascend to the next level of power above him as soon as he gains even more power.

The person(s) always on the benefiting end of such newly-bestowed power? Barack Obama.

Yes, Barack, you heard me right. You're one selfish dude.

You've climbed the ladder so fast you never stayed put to be accountable for the people's work.

If elected, next time, We The People will force you to be.

Because you cannot gain any higher office.

Ahem

2008-09-26T07:58:00.002-07:00

Papa Bukran will soon become a very literal title...

Gone To Heck In A Hand Ballot

2008-09-25T07:17:00.005-07:00

Many people have asked me if I find any compelling scriptural/anecdotal/historical evidence that Barak Obama is the Antichrist.

As a learned and rational individual, the answer is quite obvious...of course I do!

He is all things to all people... He is white. He is black. He is Christian. He is Muslim. He is a radical leftist. He is a conservative Democrat. He is a man of the people. He is an elitist.

Oh, and 6+6+6=18. Barack Hussein Obama has 18 letters in his name.

Tell me, dear friends, how do you know that Barack Obama is the Antichrist?

PBS Gets Under Your Skin

2008-09-10T11:31:00.003-07:00

Anybody else remember Slim Goodbody?

You know, the guy on PBS in the skintight bodysuit with all of the organs painted on that was constantly preaching healthy eating and exercise?

Man, that guy was creepy.

The Tried To Make Me Run For VP, I Say No, No, No

2008-09-03T08:11:00.009-07:00

As many have noted, Sarah Palin looks an awful lot like Tina Fey.

Doesn't her hairdo piled on top remind you of a diminutive Amy Winehouse?

Celebrity lookalikes aside, I think the gamble of Sarah Palin for McCain's VP was a commendable choice. She's young, anti-establishment, pro-life, pro-family, and all around the average American mom that has never been represented on a major party ticket until now. This gamble has paid off with an electrified base that McCain himself could never dream of mustering up.

I don't think the selection of Governor Palin was a direct pander-ploy to attract disillusioned Hillary Clinton voters. The rationale of picking Palin runs much deeper.

I think the brilliance of selecting Palin is this: any criticism of Palin as "inexperienced" directly reflects as an instant satire of Barack Obama. Any arguments used by the Democrats to voice concern about the hot hockey mom turned Governor are directly applicable to the top of the Democratic ticket--and she's in the #2 "do-nothing" spot.

If voters ever were searching for a candidate who related to their day-to-day household management issues, Sarah Palin is The Mother Who Knows. Not a single pundit or ideologue can now say that the GOP cannot connect to peasant-voters and their economic woes.

While criticisms of her pregnant daughter have exposed pet media coverage at its worst (anybody remember John Edwards' affair?), I don't think 17 year-old Bristol should have a shotgun marriage with the unborn child's 18 year-old father. Let the child be brought to term and given up to adoption to parents who are fully mature and ready to provide. Now that's a commitment to the pro-life/pro-family agenda.

Joe Biden? A liberal blowhard and Washington insider of the worst kind. He was against the first Gulf War, for the second one, and opposed The Surge. Sure, he has foreign policy credentials...as being consistently wrong.

What's [Almost] In A Name?

2008-08-29T11:02:00.001-07:00

Obama - b + s = Osama
Biden + n La = Bin Laden

Eerie, no?

The Pinnacles of Human Achievement

2008-08-21T08:35:00.005-07:00

Behold, the greatest act ever to be captured on film.

Not to be outdone, however, by the greatest visual image ever created by the hand of man.

A [Bitter]sweet Pet?

2008-08-20T13:03:00.002-07:00

Just what is America's latest exotic pet craze?

I recently found out on my recent trip to Florida that it's the sugar glider.

I had to look it up too.

Talk about a bad pet choice.

Sorry, Chinchillas...you've gone the way of acid washed jeans and Trapper Keepers, having been replaced by smelly and chirpy marsupials.

Who Says German Can't Be Pleasing To The Ear?

2008-08-13T21:31:00.002-07:00

Marko first introduced me to this old comedic bit and it cracked me up.

I recently showed it to Meghan and now she's a fan.

Two Occupations I Don't Want To Hold During My Life

2008-08-09T22:16:00.003-07:00

-Veterinarian
-Televised Golf Announcer

In Search of the Lost Album

2008-08-08T08:10:00.004-07:00

While perusing an exhibit chronicling the trends of every generation since WWII at the Henry Ford Museum several weeks ago, my father instantly recognized the following album cover amongst a collage of baby boomer records.

"I used to have that Moody Blues album," he said.

"Really?" I said. "I've never seen it with all the old vinyl in the basement."

"Well, at one time I had it," he said.

I was pleasantly surprised by his taste and instant memory recall. Ofttimes I think my Dad was a lot more square back in the 60's and 70's than he really was.

Getting Played By The Market

2008-08-08T08:05:00.001-07:00

I'm starting a virtual stock exchange game to try my hand at daytrading.

Anybody have any hot stock tips?

Paging Karl Marx

2008-08-01T17:50:00.004-07:00

Obama's panacea for our economic ills?

Economic stimulus checks for the American people courtesy of Big Oil's profits.

While it's insulting and frankly scary that Obama would assault constitutionally-protected private property to pursue a populist economic agenda, the idea is representative of Obama's clear neo-Marxist pursuits of income redistribution.

Now American corporations are warning that a Democratic victory in November might mean rollbacks on labor union regulations.

While unions do not inherently quash an efficient marketplace, a new era of Big Labor courtesy of President Obama and a Democratic Congress would stymie economic growth and hurt consumers.

Don't believe me? Come here to Michigan. When labor unions overreach their good intentions, everyone loses.

I think the messianic sheen of Obama is wearing off, though.

He's now tied with McCain in the Gallup poll.

Let's hope more folks remember that these "new" ideas aren't new at all. They're 19th century ideas that were proven wrong in practice in the 20th century.

Let's learn from history and keep dead-as-a-doornail Karl and his faulty ideas in the ground, shall we?

Romney Bides His Time

2008-08-01T17:31:00.006-07:00

I don't think Mitt Romney will be John McCain's running mate.

It's difficult for me to articulate why, as this is a feeling my political sixth sense has given me.

Although Romney is campaigning vigorously for his fellow Republican, he's not ridiculously pandering for the #2 slot.

I get the feeling he's playing it cool.

I think he knows that if he plays his hand well and waits one or two more election cycles his time will come for a serious shot at the Presidency as the Republican nominee.

I think the country will be ready then too.

Hostess And Hot Oil

2008-08-01T17:26:00.003-07:00

Meghan and I had a deep fried Twinkie at the county fair yesterday.

Our lives are complete.

Video Didn't Kill The Radio Star

2008-07-31T09:28:00.002-07:00

I thought Casey Kasem was dead.

He's not.

Tasteful contemporary Top 40 radio, however, is.

Obama Doesn't Say The Darndest Things

2008-07-23T09:03:00.003-07:00

A new breed of politician, eh? Sounds like the same-old stubborn partisan pander-politics to me.

Try as you might, Katie Couric, but Obama will not say the words "surge" or "worked" in the same sentence!

Just admit that you were wrong in predicting the utter failure of the Surge before it was even implemented, Senator. Now THAT would be nice for a CHANGE.

A Vow to Rock

2008-07-18T16:13:00.007-07:00

Piety and power metal aren't incompatible. Check out this guy.

It reminded me of an incident when an aged driver at work queried me, "the Mormon," about my listening to alternative rock. He thought it was unbecoming of a self-styled zealot.

I explained that I enjoyed almost every genre under the sun but did avoid profane music.

I could tell he still perceived me as an audio rebel within the patchwork of Mormon dogma.

I was humored.

Like Brother Metal, I've learned that intense music doesn't mean that it's necessarily obscene.

Some, like the aforementioned driver, have a impossible time separating the two.

While these individuals will forever be banging on their ceilings with their proverbial broom handles calling for a cessation of the infernal racket, let us enjoy the blessed ROCK AND ROLL that surely comes from above.

I guess it comes from drugs too.

Politiks

2008-07-18T15:43:00.002-07:00

A cousin of mine I recently added as a friend on Facebook lists his political views as "liberal independent."

Why do I doubt he is either?

He misspelled both--"libral independant."

It made me chuckle.

Cereal Killer (An Overused Pun, Granted)

2008-07-11T07:52:00.002-07:00

This post of Pilk's reminded me to warn you, the general public, of a new foodstuff hitting store shelves.

Fruity Cheerios.

While its color and same diminutive cheerio shape are alluring, beware.

Its flavor smacks of weak Froot Loops and its texture is akin to styrofoam.

Do not purchase this boxed cereal unless you are a breakfast masochist.

You Might Already Not Be A Winner!

2008-07-08T08:21:00.009-07:00

I often see discarded lotto tickets around town here in legalized-gambling- slightly-makes-up-for-our-collapsed-rust-belt-economy Michigan.

I knew the odds of winning were pretty slim, but after reading this article I now know some folks likely had exactly a 0% chance of winning.

Which is essentially the probability of winning the lotto anyway.

Muppets I Have Known

2008-07-08T08:07:00.004-07:00

My favorite obscure member of the Muppet canon?

Lew Zealand.

Move Over, Bright Copper Kettles and Warm Woolen Mittens...

2008-06-22T16:34:00.004-07:00

My sister's baby, Emma, and my baby, Mariuxi, come together to form perhaps the empirically cutest photo ever taken.

(Photo courtesy of Dave Ryerse)

Sometimes It's Good To Lose

2008-06-22T14:49:00.003-07:00

In hindsight, maybe it wasn't so bad that Mitt Romney failed to capture the Republican nomination for President.

Now that we know Barack Obama is the certified winner of the democratic primaries, imagine if Romney, aka "The Mormon," was going head-to-head against him in the general election right now.

Ugly.

While much of the PR the Church received during the Romney campaign was positive, old stereotypes and prejudices still reared their acidic heads.

Those were just the primary elections.

If Mitt Romney, the first Mormon ever to get a shot at the White House was campaigning against the first African-American ever to do the same, you'd see the classic "Blacks in the Priest-hood" issue get so far distorted by enemies of the church and Romney that the church would have a PR nightmare.

I think a higher power knew that would happen.

What Do You Do For Eternity?

2008-06-12T06:38:00.001-07:00

When I was a little kid growing up and was taught the doctrines of exaltation and eternal life, I had one major question on my mind:

Just what do we do in a glorified state that lasts forever? Won't we get bored eventually?

As I got older, I figured the answer was no. My rationale was that infinite capacity for creation=infinite possibilities for activities.

In a book my mother-in-law insisted I read, Earth in the Beginning, author Eric N. Skousen made me think about this childhood quandary:

Simply put, if you are a being with an infinity of time before you, it is certainly consoling to know that you have an infinity of unorganized material to yet organize.

Eternal boredom, thus, remains an impossibility not necessarily because of our divinely-endowed capacities, but because of the infinite task at hand of organizing that which is not organized.

Indiana Jones Returns...To Face My Critique!

2008-05-27T08:07:00.008-07:00

I saw the much-anticipated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull last night.

I had been waiting for this film for years.

While it kept the swashbuckling spirit of the previous Jones films, I did take issue with several other aspects of the film.

For one, none of the characters seemed larger-than-life. Every single one seemed to be a minor player within the framework of the movie--including Indiana Jones himself. The closest Skull came to producing an epic persona was the psychic commie femme fatale, Irina Spalko.

The new Indy flick also failed to produce any quotable dialogue. I can recite at length the other three movies--but I can't recall a single witty line from this one. It did give us one iconic scene--that of Indiana stumbling upon an artificial suburbia soon to be exposed to a nuclear weapons test and surviving by jumping into a lead-lined refrigerator. But that was done sans dialogue.

John William's score wasn't particularly memorable either. None of his new themes or orchestral arrangements stuck with me afterwards. That's also a stark contrast from the old movies.

The oldies are, as always, the goodies.

High Crimes and Miss-demeanors

2008-04-25T10:13:00.003-07:00

You no longer have to crack open your hard copy of the Daily Universe to read about the felonious/hilarious goings-on at BYU every week.

It's here online for your enjoyment.

It's That Time Again...

2008-04-25T08:45:00.005-07:00

Playoffs time.

Ahem.

HOW 'BOUT THEM JAZZ!

No matter where I live I will always have my NBA allegiance to my home turf heroes.

Veteran coach Sloan has proved yet again that he can form a consistently good team from a diverse talent pool.

I look forward to the great plays and victories yet to come.

Iraqi Strangewar, Or How I Stopped Worrying And Came To Love The Bombs

2008-04-11T08:37:00.024-07:00

Five years have now passed since the beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

It has caused me to reflect on how I as an American citizen unwittingly entered this conflict.

* * *

When President Bush gave his "Axis of Evil" speech my freshman year of college, I told my mom, "Just watch. There's going to be a war, and I'm going to miss the whole thing."

My political sixth sense tingled from the beating of war drums. But major combat operations were still months away.

Fast forward to March 2003. Elder Stoddard walked the muddy streets of Durán, Ecuador (his second area) with his worst companion of the whole mission. We heard rumors of an ultimatum to Saddam Hussein and U.S. troop buildups in the Persian Gulf, but our missionary efforts overshadowed any further intrigue.

Then the bombs began to fall.

Being so isolated from the world-at-large and the tumult of the news media, I really didn't have any facts at hand to use to fully analyze the situation. Most of the time the only thing that ran through my mind was a catchy hip-hop number by Outkast that had come out years earlier--"Bombs Over Baghdad."

Missionary work slowed to snail's pace--the entire country was glued to their ramshackle televisions as American munitions destroyed Hussein's palaces and Iraqi military infrastructure.

As the only American guy in the room, fingers were leveled at me daily. "This is YOUR country! Why are YOU doing this?"

I had to repeatedly state that I personally had nothing to do with the bombardment of Baghdad and that the President had detailed information upon which he based his decision.

For days we faced the same situation of glassy Latin eyes gazing upon Mesopotamia on fire and brushing off any serious discussion of the restored gospel.

Soon we couldn't go to the American-style malls on p-day.

Then drunks in the street tried to grab us and slobber the phrase, "Why are American soldiers killing Iraqi children?"

Occasional spouts of ignorant anti-Americanism accompanied the rest of the tenure of my mission.

When I returned home, I discovered an insurgency ripe in stealth and lethality that hadn't been communicated to me before.

I didn't know what to think. I hadn't been living the picket-fence-read-the-paper-in-front-of-the-fireplace American lifestyle during the war. I was in a completely alien country doing an apolitical work.

I still don't know what to think about the war. I was so far removed.

Perhaps my feelings are only a magnification of the schism of thought and emotion so many Americans possess over the Iraq War.

* * *

Music and The Spoken Blurb

2008-02-27T18:10:00.002-07:00

A little editing of some MoTab stock footage, and you get...

Mein List

2008-02-22T19:09:00.008-07:00

ALTERNATE TITLES OF MEIN KAMPF, HAD HITLER BEEN TRYING TO APPEAL TO A 21ST CENTURY AMERICAN WITH A LIMITED COMMAND OF GERMAN

Mein Volkswagen
Mein Colonel Klink
Mein Brautwurst
Mein Farfegnügen
Mein Achtung Baby
Mein Strudel
Mein Plans to Start the Second World War, Place All of Europe Under the Grip of Fascism, and Commit Mass Genocide

A Literary List

2008-02-18T20:17:00.012-07:00

LITERARY CLASSICS, HAD SHERWIN WILLIAMS NAMED THEM

Anne of Lime Granita Gables

Hematite Beauty
The Eros Pink Badge of Courage
The Masque of the Cherries Jubilee Death
Dollop of Cream Fang
The Adventures of Grandeur Plum Finn
The Cherry Tomato Letter
The Color Potentially Purple
Where the Artful Auburn Fern Grows

Ode to Elder Marko

2008-02-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

My younger brother Mark has just over six months completed as he serves in the Chile Antofagasta Mission. It's been a blast to receive his emails and partake of his unique brand of humor. Every week I am reminded of a tidbit or anecdote from my own mission by his experiences. In the years since I returned from my own mission, my kid brother became one of my best friends. I would like to therefore present a kaleidoscope of photos and quotes from Mark as a tribute to his hard work and always cheery temperament.

Well, vocab word for the week is pulgas, which means fleas, another vocab word is picadas, which means bites. And the final Vocab word for the week is sesenta siete, which means 67 (I counted in the shower).

A bum tried to hit me with a window washing squeegee... that was interesting. I didn´t understand the word he said before mormones though.

PS while we´re on the subject of hobos. I´ve been keeping a small notebook that I write chistozo poems in usually a couplet at a time. I wrote one called ´hobo coughin´and also one called ´peter´ because that´s what i named the hobo who lives in my front yard. Because he moves rocks from one side of his little spot on the beach to the other side all day every day (Except for when he crosses the street to sift through our garbage looking for food) And anyone who knows the scriptures knows that peter was named after greek i believe for petros or petra or petro.

And I keep a song in my heart. If there´s one thing that keeps you in good spirits. It´s hymns and other stuff. I´d be lying if I said ALL the songs I sang were hymns. But Dave told me that Queen was pretty spiritual so i guess Bohemian Rhapsody is OK. Speaking of Queen, We took a collectivo (Taxi) to a district meeting and heard 3 songs from Night at the Opera... Made my day...

There´s alot of Japanese slash chinese import fakes here. The current fad is toys from the movie cars. One of them had an ad on the hood for ´Leak Less, Adult drip pans´ as well as this wonderful Engrish phrase on it ´This is the lovely automobile word, Welcome you with our automobile general mobilization, spend the fine childhood, Good toys!´

The thought came to mind that I must be bringing in fleas from the street because they were on my legs. So, for this, I started to microwave my pants for a minute and a half before each use and I haven´t had a problem since... Brilliant!!!

The joys of teaching a comp English. Having to explain to him the different pronunciation when he tells you he needs to buy two bottles of jews.

A less active member showed me pictures of his foot he took DURING a surgery to get one of his toes cut off. He got an infection because he´s a diabetic... Pretty Wicked.

We went to a member´s house for pizza (Because I´m an American and we all love pizza) But it was creamed corn asparagus pizza!!! Qué provecho!!! I ate some slices but declined more...

I´m going to buy A bunch of Matches (They´re dirt cheap down here) and built my own little house of parliament and then take it outside on the fifth of November and light it on fire. Why? So I can say I was the Only one in Chile to Celebrate Guy Fawkes day of course.

And then they gave us a bag of Government Powdered milk and I felt like I was in 1984....

Also yesterday we were walking from our papito´s restaurant and there was a protest and I saw some disgruntled workers get blown away by a Water Tank and a bunch of Carabineros in Riot Gear and an armored Riot Bus. I started writing a poem entitled [Order and Homeland], the motto of the Carabineros. Pretty sweet if you ask me, the Tank chased them around a plaza and they were trying to disrupt traffic and whatnot.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I saw a Zombie. I´m not even Joking, it was by far the craziest thing I´ve ever seen in my life. My comp and I were walking down Vivar street in el Centro of Iquique, We turned a corner and there he was. A guy without a shirt on walking down the street very calmly with a baseball sized whole in the side of his belly. It was more than a stab wound, it was a serious hole--you could see what was inside and bleeding and everything! Calm as a [cucumber], very strange I suspect he was so drunk he couldn´t feel it, I didn´t take time to contact him though and find out....

Yesterday [my companion and I] had a civil discussion and he said I was like clint Eastwood ¨The Good Guy¨ coming in with guns a blazing and he doesn´t like that. I thought that was silly. But we´ve been able to come to agreement. That´s Ok, he has a strange obsession with Mickey Mouse...

Last night I saw a dog get run over by a BMW, I´ll spare you all from any details of what I saw, but the sound was pretty nuts. The Dogs chase everything that moves quick. Especially Telepizza. It´s a business down here that delivers pizza´s on bikes and it´s hilarious because the Dog´s can smell the pizza so there´ll be a guy on the bike and 10 dogs chasing him. pretty cool.

I don´t know if you remember Brenda from my Junior High Days, but we started teaching a woman named Brenda (Whose door I knocked because i heard Hey Joe by Jimi coming from her House and I had to knock it. And i thought of... Crazy.

¿You feeling lucky? ¿Well, Do ya?
Elder Eastwood in ¨For a fistful of [Pamphlets]¨ (Cue Ennio Marconnie theme) PS. I was bored and had an Idea for a movie, i wrote an outline for a screenplay.

The earthquake was pretty crazy though, My comp had just arrived and we dropped his suitcases off at the pension and we were walking to lunch when it happened. We heard a shaking, we looked around and then a woman on the 5th floor of her apartment building yelled ¨Terremoto!!! ¡¡Terremoto!!!¨ So we moved Hawai from all the high buildings. While we were walking it felt like Jell o but it was concrete and all the cars were wobbling back and forth. It knocked the power out for almost the rest of the day down here. So all the stores were closed and all the people in the streets. After lunch when we got back to the pension some concrete above our doorway had fallen down and we had a nice little pile of Concrete. My comp wanted to go in right away, I told him we should wait, and then 10 seconds later where we Would have been if we were unlocking the door and chunk of concrete the size of my head fell down.

We had a fun time burning a huge cockroach in our apartment with matches and bug repellent. We then named him Buzz and mounted the Charred little Critter on our Wall as a warning to All the other Cockroaches.

The quake was strong enough to break open some of the tombs and they had dead body germs going around in the air in Tocapilla so everyone had to get vaccinated against whatever disease it is that dead body germs give to you.

we just started a kid who was born with a tail (The thing where your spine forms wierd and outside of your body. He´s an awesome kid though.

Well my comp just received the Christmas card of the girl that Dear John´d him... complete with pictures of her kissing her Hubby... Ouch...

The new Mamita is a character. We had spaghetti two days ago... But instead of tomato sauce it was just ketchup... and my comp just had to add mayo too.

the first Counselor in the obispado is a Heavy Metallero. First Counselor in an Iron Maiden T-shirt---hilarious.

The Enya Came out this week, it´s not against the rules... but if I hear Orinoco flow one more time... Heads are gonna roll.

We had another woman named Esther who's 60 and ready to be baptized but she went to a baptism and Elder Cañellas almost bonked the guy's head in the font and she said, ["later on..."] That was disappointing.

This weeks story was when I was knocking a street full of really hard hearted evangelicals. We were leaving when I heard some SKA music coming from the House. Of course I had to stop and knock it. And we´ve got a promising new Investigator named Alberto. Of course he´s a happy guy. Awesome.

They call all the Emo kids (17 year old Seth Dunshee) here Pokemones. It´s pretty funny, the other day during a lesson the investigator asked me what I thought about Pokemones, it´s not just a slang term either, Everyone uses it. We even have a few pokemones who come to church in our ward.

A large woman (neighbor of the people we were teaching) walked into a house with her large child. Her large (Translation: fat) child had butter on her forehead. I didn´t ask, I only laughed...

Last Sunday we had an invasion of another ward and a member gave us a ride home in his meat truck. Without Oxygen... The last thing he told us was that there should be enough oxygen for the trip we were making. It was wierd... but I´m still alive, I smelled like pork for a day.

Miss ya, bro!

I Find Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing --Darth Vader

2008-02-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

For those who are searching for a new mode of worship or simply a good excuse to call George Lucas deity, you have a new religious home.

And to think that I could have been married by a guy in a Boba Fett costume...

So Long, And Thanks For The Votes

2008-02-07T18:38:00.000-07:00

Mitt Romney officially called it quits today because of the reality of McCain's foothold on the Republican nomination.

I salute you, Mitt. As an archetypal pioneer you've shown that a Mormon can break into the upper echelons of presidential candidates--and you've done it with class.

Some say you were too negative in your campaigning. Others say you'll do anything in the name of political expediency. I say you were playing the old fashioned game of American presidential politics. Many voices pretend such is an antiquated and vitriolic institution. I truly believe you when you claim your tactics were an effort to highlight your credentials as a true conservative and über-competent executive.

Regardless of what happens in November, you will be missed. Your superior managerial skills were just what the Oval Office needed.

In the meantime, we'll watch and we'll wait for 2012.

Big Mac Nation

2008-02-05T08:06:00.001-07:00

Yo, America! Do you want this dusty old curmudgeon to be the Republican nominee for President?

McCain's flaws and nuances have already been widely documented. Like most "base conservatives," I disdain the man's legislative record while reverencing his military service. For me, John McCain is like your elementary school friend who broke your toys and talked behind your back and then got mad when you didn't want to play with him.

Sorry, Johnny. I just can't vote for you. So don't even bother calling to see if you can come over to play.

A New Lifeform

2008-02-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

I would like to congratulate Zander and Mallory on their upcoming mortal arrival. Here is my composite approximation of what their child will look like:This kid's truly going where no man has gone before...la familia Zander!

A Few Things I Miss From My Childhood

2008-01-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

-My Urkel jigsaw puzzle
-Spending hours in the vacant lots behind my house catching bugs and studying red ant colony behavior
-Shooting bows and arrows and BB guns
-Building tree forts
-Using the PowerPad for NES
-Playing Monopoly for hours on Sunday in the basement with my siblings
-After-school snacks
-Trick-or-treating
-Bobby's World, Doctor Quinn: Medicine Woman, Early Edition, Martial Law, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, Full House, and Step By Step on TV
-Collecting coins and meticulously cataloging them in my album
-Family road trips
-Saturday visits to Ogden featuring burgers on the grill and black cherry Shasta at Grammie's
-Boating in the summer
-Sledding during recess on any ramshackle piece of plastic at Boulton Elementary
-Herbie Rides Again, Herbie Goes Bananas, but not The Love Bug

Listmaker, Listmaker, Make Me A List

2008-01-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

EVERY MUSICAL GROUP I FOUND IN MY FATHER'S VINYL RECORD COLLECTION, LEADING ME TO BELIEVE HE MISSED THE MAJOR MUSICAL TRENDS OF THE 1970's

Seals and Crofts
The Oakridge Boys
The Osmonds

Disco Stu Says...

2008-01-20T19:16:00.000-07:00

It doesn't get any more 70's funky blackilicious than Boney M.

Case in point:

If Tupac Were Dead, He'd Be Rolling In His Grave

2008-01-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

I got transferred this past week to the Enterprise office at the local airport--MBS International.

The music played overhead is, quite simply, sub-elevator.

A light instrumental version of Tupac's "Changes" came on a while ago.

The title of this post immediately came to mind.