Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Day The Shouting Ended

My television is maintaining itself at the same decibel level...what gives?


Here's to the man who inherited the TV infomercial king mantle from Ron Popeil and became an icon of kitschy American consumerism.

Uncanny Grammar

Why is it that we often say the word uncanny but never its antonym, canny?

"That's such a common practice of mine. How canny of me!"

Sounds ridiculous. But canny must be a real word...right? Is it possible for a word with a conventional prefix to not have an opposite even if you remove said prefix?

I'll let the linguists of the world sort this one out.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Jonathon Lame & Mr. Boring

 
 Has anyone else read this book? Highly recommended by critics and peers alike, I was excited to peruse its pages.

I thought it was going to be a fantastic contemporary melding of the traditions of Dickens, Austen, and Tolkien--full of deep characters and ornate swashbuckling. I had nothing but the highest of expectations.

Instead, I found a fanciful novel stuffed to the gills with footnotes that detail multiple alternative magical universes ad nauseum and characters who talk about everything but do nothing despite being in possesion of magical powers.

I've read half of it and thoroughly lost interest. I never leave a book unfinished!

Shame on you, overrated Jonathon Strange & Mr. Norrell. You are a chore--not a delight--to read.

The Empty Glove

Michael Jackson: 1958-2009

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Caption Contest

While I was researching my previous post, I stumbled upon the fact that O.J. was one of our competitor's major spokesmen in the 70's:
I shall begin the contest in the comments section.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The O.J. Simpson Trial Revisited

Despite a feeling I knew the case well, I recently dug deeper into the epic O.J. Simpson trial and learned a few things...

First of all, what do you know about the demographics of the jury? I was shocked when I learned that it consisted of:

1 Hispanic man
1 Black man
2 White women
and...
8! Black women

This final jury composition completely flew in the face of the prosecution's own jury consultant! Dingus prosecutor Marsha Clark, however, felt she had a long history of building a sympathetic rapport with black female jurors and decided to ignore the consultant's recommendations.

Prosecutors also completely ignored the jury consultant's recommendations by settling on the selection of five final jury members who reported negative past experiences with police and five jurors who said that physical force against family members was justified.

Bear in mind that the primary strategy of the prosecution was to paint Simpson as a violent domestic abuser while the defense's case was heavily rooted in accusations of a racist and corrupt police force.

This case was over before it even began.

Major pieces of evidence also were not presented to the jury. Despite its publicity, details of the white Bronco chase never made it to court, namely:

-Simpson's passport and a disguise kit complete with fake mustaches were found in the SUV--not tokens of an innocent man
-O.J. had a phone conversation on the L.A. freeway with police during which he threatened to commit suicide and was obviously not mentally composed

Prosecutors felt that this evidence could create empathy for Simpson, the poor picked-on runaway. The defense was all too obliging in barring the evidence from court. A fantastic miscalculation!

As for the bloody glove debacle, prosecutor Christopher Darden was advised from the beginning to not have Simpson try it on because blood/forensic testing/frozen cold storage had caused it to shrink. Darden initially was going to follow this counsel, but decided to go against this advice from his fellow prosecutors in a last-minute courtroom gamble and lost.

It's an embarrassing stain on the American psyche how clearly race shaped the public's perception of the trial. Most post-trial polls put the number of whites believing Simpson was guilty around 87% and the number of blacks believing the same around 27%. Underclass Blacks clearly wanted a hero to triumph against the "rigged and racist" American criminal justice system and found it in Orenthal James Simpson.

The prosecution made a colossal number of blunders while the defense played perfectly to their sympathies on the jury.

The final declaration of "not guilty" by the jury no longer shocks me since I've examined the trial's missteps. In fact, with all the facts before me, it's what I would have expected.

The O.J. Simpson trial jury

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Victory Is Mine!

While all three members of my college roommate canon (Steve "Swag" Hatch, Nate "Tote" Ross, and Sterling "Squirts" Sheffield) may have preceded me in marriage, soon I will have beaten all three in the race for posterity.

The last shall be first, and the first shall be last!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Star Trek XI: That Which Is Old Is New

Star Trek managed to live up to its hype and be an entertaining piece of summer cinematic fare! Trekkies and Sci-Fi nerds rejoice!

Its young, talented actors breathed new life into the personalities of the original Star Trek series while maintaining the cliches of these canonized characters.

Kirk was more a punching bag than a captain in this movie, however. He gets beat up badly on four separate occasions--once by Federation cadets, twice by the Romulans, and once by Spock. By the end you're expecting that chiseled jawline to look like hamburger.

My only complaint was that Star Trek's villain was lame. A Romulan industrialist driven by blind revenge to destroy the Federation through time and space? Really??? Nero, I knew Khan. You're no Khan. Villains should be characters--not merely vehicles for antagonism.

There's a fair amount of humor injected into this film. Much of it, ironically, revolves around Spock. The best one liner? McCoy to Spock: "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?"

In conclusion, with its transporter close calls, photon torpedoes a' plenty, green alien women cameos, and more exploding planets than all six Star Wars movies combined, this ox gives J.J. Abrams' Star Trek two hooves up.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Would You Like To Swing On A Star?

When I was a lad, I enjoyed the lighthearted fare on the television series Out of This World.

I recently perused its Wikipedia article.

Holy cow! Evie's dad was Burt Reynolds!

Who knew that the inhabitants of the planet Antareus were mustachioed Trans Am drivers?

Some things you just can't appreciate when you're a kid.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

An Open Letter To My Son

Dear Son,

Sorry you're going to be working for the rest of your life to pay off the current government bailouts.

We didn't vote for him--we promise.

Love,

Your Parents

Monday, February 16, 2009

The BukranBlog Salutes Black History Month: A Tribute to Some of the Greatest African-Americans of All Time














Dear readers, your task is now to correctly name all 14 historical figures...who will be first?

P.S. By 'some of the greatest African-Americans of all time' I meant every black person I was aware of growing up in the all-white suburbs of Utah.

Ebony and Irony

Now, I'm no sociology grad student...but this doesn't seem like the best way to combat negative stereotypes about Muslims...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

It's Official

I am my mother-in-law's favorite son-in-law.

She bestowed upon me the title while she and Mrs. Bukran were shopping the other day.

Apparently brother-in-law #1 is still trying to catch up from many initial years of not speaking to my mother-in-law even though he lived here as a newlywed.

Brother-in-law #2 had plenty to say to her when he lived here, but it was generally technobabble.

Both now live on the other end of the country.

So with my listening ear and geographic proximity, I win.

Victory!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

"Bukran, You *Are* The Father" --Maury Povich

Our child's gender has been determined via modern subuterine sonar.

Baby, our home is ready and eager to receive your presence.

...When you are fully gestated.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Barack Hussein Obama, The 44th President of the United States of America


Just exactly how did the Bukran household celebrate such an historic political victory?

By turning his forehead into a memo pad and bestowing him with a mustache generally reserved for French villains/smelly kids in your elementary school yearbook.

Such doodling accurately reflects our feelings about November's electoral results.

Monday, November 03, 2008

You Got Another Thing Comin'

Sure enough, if all projections hold true, America will elect an opportunistic novice to the highest office in the land tomorrow.

Despite the critical situation at home and abroad we will have elected an exectuive neophyte in the name of "history" and/or vacuous "change."

But America loves to overcorrect--and Obama is as far away from W as you can get.

Here's for hoping for a "Dewey Defeats Truman" in '08.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Obama Takes Your Piece of the Pie

Forget the anecdotes and a slew of red herrings. This financial crisis was caused by the federal government playing mortgage broker. The following video systematically documents the seeds and fallout of said current economic malaise. It runs at a very fast pace, so pausing it will likely be a necessity as your read its quotes and highlighted passages. The last few minutes are spent stumping, but I urge everyone to pay attention to the data and figures presented here.

Now, to whom should blame be affixed?

On a completely different note of a humorous air, I can't get enough of Barack Obama talking about pie.

It cracks me up.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Home Stretch

Huzzah! Someone finally asked the Obama campaign the tough questions of the moment!

The Obama campaign was so pleased it revoked all future interviews with this television station.

How is the media going to be able to accurately report truths about leftist President Obama without being bullied/blackmailed/smeared/denied by his support staff at this rate?

I think it's an ominous sign of things to come.

On another note, I think you all should read Charles Krauthammer's excellent piece articulating his vote for McCain.

My vote too will be cast based upon the matter of experience--and McCain has Obama schooled in that arena.

So here's to the Republican Ship in '08, Charles. It may be taking on water and ready to sink into the murky depths of political ignominy, but we held our bearings.

Ready to sail another day.