Sunday, June 20, 2010

Lessons for Life, Lessons for Eternity

I don't remember much about that first blur of a day in the MTC, but I do remember the very last thing my father told me before I entered into those point-of-no-return doors after the rest of my family had tearfully said good-bye.

With the air of a proud patriarch, he simply said, "Work hard, son."

This vignette is demonstrative of the two greatest lessons I learned from my father's example.

Service to others, to the church, and the value of hard work.

It held true on the mission, and it holds true now as a father myself.

Thanks, Dad.

Knock Knock Knock Out

-Knock knock.

-Who's there?

-Interrupting one-term president.

-Interrupting one-term pres--

-BARACK OBAMA!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Parody or Desecration?


You decide.

Either way, George Lucas just made several more million dollars overnight.

Props to anyone who can name the cameos in this vid beyond Snoop Dogg and David Beckham.

Oh, and I officially don't care about the World Cup--Ecuador missed qualifying by ONE point.

Just a Phase

Hey, do you remember the smash internet phenomenon of 2004 known as homestarrunner.com?

Me neither.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

How Do We Expect Our Children to Learn If We Can't Show Them?

This is perhaps the best warning to date we've ever read for one of Steven's toys.

It came off of a toy lawnmower that blows bubbles.

Please make sure your child does not follow you using this toy while you
are operating a real lawn mower. Your child should play in a separate area away from the area where you are mowing.

Lawyers. They're always ruining teachable moments about landscaping with our children.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial

Both of my grandfathers served in the US Army. They are my closest links to service in the military. I never really got to know either one of them. One was gone before I was born and the other passed before I was mature enough to care.

Neither ever saw combat. These were men who served as vital cogs in our well-oiled American fighting machine behind the scenes.

One was a cook.

The other was a jack-of-all-trades, performing services at various times as a jeep mechanic, jet fighter radar repairman, barber, and even a bartender. (He had specifically been commissioned a bartender by an officer who knew he was an active LDS serviceman who wouldn't drink any of the bar's inventory.)

The latter served on Enewetak Atoll.

You've likely never heard of this place, but it actually saw the world's first hydrogen bomb blast.

Grandpa was quite sick during his last years on earth. He didn't say or do much. Some in the family speculated it was due to those nuclear tests he'd been privy to--but nothing was ever proven.

The full measure of a veteran's sacrifice often is not meted out until many years after their actual service.

This is the lesson I learned from a grandfather who never spoke to me once about his time in the army.

Sometimes You Only Can Give Someone Something in Death They Never Had in Life

Gary Coleman has joined a litany of child stars on the other side of the veil.

While this could potentially spawn a bevvy of hilarious posts...for once, I'm gonna let the guy rest in peace. Perhaps in death we can restore his humanity as opposed to viewing it as the final chapter of a cautionary tale of Hollywood fame and fortune.

The good television gaveth, and the good television took away.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Guest Celebrity Mentors I'd Like to See on the Next Season of American Idol

-Neil Diamond

-The reanimated corpse of Freddy Mercury

-Prince

-The ghost of Michael Jackson

-Miranda Cosgrove*


*I'm a big iCarly fan--so sue me

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Border Explorer

The country currently debates two pressing matters regarding immigration:

1. Should Arizona enforce federal immigration code through its own state law?

2. Is Dora the Explorer, in fact, an illegal alien?

The answer to both? ¡Sí!

Motorhead Is Not Just A Name For A Band...

Alright, I'll admit it.

I'm a car nerd.

I don't know if it's my current line of work or the inevitability of becoming more like my father as I age, but I am officially geeked out by all things automotive.

I subscribe to Motor Trend, Car and Driver, and Automobile magazine and frequently can be found surfing all the major manufacturer's websites for their latest news.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Blog posts in the future likely will whiff of gas and oil.

Yo, Tevya! If *I* Were A Rich Man...

I'd pay an Asian guy to sing Neil Diamond karaoke...poorly.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Man vs. Film

You finally got my $22.50 to see your über-duper-super-atomic blockbuster Avatar.

Happy now, James Cameron?

Sunday, February 14, 2010

What You Learn When You Become A Dad #1,021

You can never have too many spare pacifiers strewn about your house.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

What Happens When You Become A Dad #682

Your church clothes get weird stains on them...but you can't recall when they happened.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Blatant Zander Shoutout

Women often wonder about how men bond...

The answer is easy:
The virtues of witchin' a ditch.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Matthew, Mark, Luke, Juan

Philemon is pronounced FILL-uh-mon, not fi-LEE-mon, right?

We sang the Books of the New Testament song in primary (I was substituting for my old class) and I felt that the children were being led astray on the matter...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Fame

I helped out a man at work today who was obviously wealthy--he had just smashed up his 2009 Cadillac Escalade.

I could tell he was someone of significant stature by the reverential treatment the personnel at the body shop gave him.

He was badly shaken up by the accident and uttered a few lines about "the blessing and the curse of his famous name."

I had no idea to what he was referring to.

Only when he left did my coworker inform me he was one of the sons of Mike Ilitch--owner of the Detroit Red Wings/Detroit Tigers and founder of Little Caesar's Pizza.

I guess I still haven't lived here long enough to know the local celebrities.

Maybe I need to watch SportsCenter more...

Nah.

Speaking of local celebrities...I learned randomly from the aforementioned link that this esteemed humanitarian was given Detroit's key to the city.

Wow.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Vocab Word of the Day

Apotheosis

Look it up.

Then write a six page essay about why it's applicable to the current debate over Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Story of Nothing

Barack Obama became the junior senator from Illinois...for doing...nothing (except having extraordinary ties in the corrupt Chicago political machine).

Barack Obama won the presidency of the United States...for doing...nothing (except not being Bush).

Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize...for doing...nothing (except not being Bush).

I initially laughed, and then I cringed.

First Arafat, then Gore, now Obama?

Let's face it: these days, the award means nothing.

...so in that sense I guess he did earn it.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Whodiddit

Who built the great pyramids at Giza? Aliens.

Who is responsible for the mysterious disappearances over the Bermuda Triangle? Aliens.

Who gave the Nazis advanced rocket and jet propulsion technology? Aliens.

Who shot JFK? Aliens*.

Yes, extraterrestrials have played a role in virtually every major historical event on planet earth.

Don't you ever watch the History Channel?

*Also acceptable: Nazis