This past semester I took Music 210R (Folk Music of Afghanistan) from a very eccentric individual named Dr. Lloyd Miller. We discussed precious little about the traditional musical stylings of the East. Most of the time we just argued about his extremist views on religion and politics. Because I knew of his infamy, I keep a dutiful log of all his ramblings. Bear in mind the man has three PhD's--he's a musical genius. I guess it goes to show how fine the line is between genius and insanity. Therefore, I present you the top rants of Dr. Lloyd Miller:"We could convert to solar/electric power in five days!"
Returning to his childhood hometown of Glendale, California, he discovered his linguistic skills were needed because of an influx of immigrants. He talked to the man at the gas pump in Hindi, the man at the convenience store in Armenian, and the man at the bakery in Persian.
During the Islamic festival of Tazi'eh he did as the locals did and whipped himself. He claimed, "You don't need to go to a chiropractor when you do that!"
King Nebuchadnezzar became a Sufi?!?
9/11 was all one big conspiracy to get Iraq's oil. Those weren't the actual planes that hit the Twin Towers and Pentagon. They were just retrofitted rockets. The people who were on the "doomed planes" are know living it up in the Bahamas courtesy of the US government. The hijackers couldn't have been Arabs, flying jumbo jets is too technical for Arabs.
Timothy McVeigh only "pretended" to blow up the Oklahoma City federal building.
Jewish merchants have conspired to vacuum the money out of our pockets via ugly and uncomfortable jeans. Some even have brown "ironed-on dog doo" spots. The Jewish merchants take these millions and send it to Israel to kill Palestinians. Calvin KLEIN (that's not a Jewish name!) is one of such conspirators. Don't worry, though, because he'll be blown up in an atomic war back East.
BYU needs to return to the days of "real Mormons" and have the female students wear the pionner garb of full-length cotton dresses and bonnets.
Supposedly Brigham Young said that after the second coming when the Saints return to Missouri it will be so utterlty obliterated there won't even be a yellow dog to greet the Saints. Therefore, if anyone has a yellow dog, throw it in your handcart before we head west.
Anciently, temples to the Mother Goddess required "missions" of child prostitution for several years from young women.
Like Sufi Masters, if we tried hard enough, we could rearrange our atoms and walk through walls.
"You can't use Johnny Walker in your Zoroastrian sacrament."
In Herat, Afghanistan in the 1970's they drag raced horse carts.
The original word "pornokinetic."
The story of being offered a 10-inch block of hash for $1.
Numerous speculations on the Antichrist, 666, and "THE MAN."
The only creatures that would survive a nuclear blast would be mutant roaches. Maybe we could tame them and ride them?
"Faith like a dust mite sneeze."
The time it took eight Pashtun guys four hours to get on a minibus because they were so contentious.
"The whiter the bread, the sooner you're dead."
Someday the Blacks will be the rich people and the Whites will be the poor ones.
The Dalai Lama should be brought back to Tibet to boost tourist income.
Pearl Harbor was a plot by FDR to raise the failing US economy.
There should be seperate islands in Hawaii for gays, porn addicts, and murderers. They can have their own "countries."
"99% of the people in the world marry their cousin or uncle."
Ho Chi Minh was a Harvard grad?
And many, many more...
If you want two credits of easy A, kids, take this class! The final is in a freakin' Indian restaurant!
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