September 1st, 2010

Independence Day!

 

Millions of Peaches

One of the all-time Maury Povich classics I was reminded of the other day while back home...

It's Hard to Rhyme a Word With Mosque

Initially, I strongly pooh-poohed the "Ground Zero Mosque" when reports of its planning first made news (the name had led me to believe it was actually going to be constructed in the Ground Zero complex).

Then I learned that this name is a misnomer--it's actually two blocks away from Ground Zero. My opposition quickly faded away in the warm and cherished parchment of the U.S. Constitution.

Shortly thereafter, I learned that the Imam behind the creation of this Mosque is a radical bloke--stating that U.S. policy was "complicit" with the 9/11 attacks. He also refuses to label Hamas a terrorist organization. My support was withdrawn.

Then it was made known to me that this "moderate" Imam is a "goodwill ambassador" for the Obama administration, preaching an (in his words) "Americanized Islam" to the rest of the Muslim world (courtesy of U.S. taxpayers). My opposition calcified.

Taxpayer dollars have no business flying radical clerics across the globe to speak with other radicals who happen to be closer to Mecca.

Public funds also have no business funding such a religious building project in direct violation of constitutional principles.

Once the doting Obama threw himself in the fray of the controversy, the majority (68%!) of Americans had made up their minds that the mosque should not be built.

We now see some interesting fallout as a result of the president's intervention (or perhaps due to his previous religious ambiguity)...24% of Americans in a recent poll thought Obama was Muslim. One in four!

Construction workers in New York and their unions also now have pledged to decline any work related to this mosque.

In the end, this issue boils down to 3,000 deceased persons whose families have sworn never to forget or dishonor.

To have a symbol of the fanaticism (in the minds of most victims' families) that drove men to kill next-door to the literal killing field and burial ground of their loved ones' is simply unacceptable.

Nine years is simply too soon to have had their collective memories fade enough from the horror and death they experienced.

It Takes Two To Play Chicken

On the way up to Au Gres this past week a large sheet of painted plywood in a front lawn in Standish caught my eye. It shouted:

ANY WORKING PERSON WHO VOTES REPUBLICAN IS LIKE A CHICKEN WHO SUPPORTS COLONEL SANDERS

In the spirit of bipartisanship, I wanted to erect a companion message next to it:

ANY UNION MEMBER WHO VOTES DEMOCRAT IS LIKE A PROSTITUTE WHO PAYS A PIMP FOR "PROTECTION"

The Funniest Thing I Ever Saw

In the 5th grade, every child is mandated to do a report on one of our fifty fabulous states.

Many students brought treats associated with that state (I brought oranges because I showcased the great State of Florida).

Several students also brought relatives to watch the oral portion of the report, as it was the largest project we'd completed so far in our elementary education.

The girl who exhibited Washington state brought green Granny Smith apples to share with everyone once she had finished extolling the virtues of the Pacific Northwest. Her grandmother and mother had come to support her.

Whoever had sliced the apples had forgotten to remove their trademark white stickers. In the corner of my eye, what did I witness...but GRANDMA eating an entire STICKER on a fresh slice of fruit!

I fell out of my chair in hysterics and almost got kicked out of class. I struggled to suppress my laughter.

To this day, I copiously inspect every apple I eat for proper prior sticker removal protocol.

So I don't end up like that granny eating a Granny in Mrs. Winter's class.

Lessons for Life, Lessons for Eternity

I don't remember much about that first blur of a day in the MTC, but I do remember the very last thing my father told me before I entered into those point-of-no-return doors after the rest of my family had tearfully said good-bye.

With the air of a proud patriarch, he simply said, "Work hard, son."

This vignette is demonstrative of the two greatest lessons I learned from my father's example.

Service to others, to the church, and the value of hard work.

It held true on the mission, and it holds true now as a father myself.

Thanks, Dad.

Knock Knock Knock Out

-Knock knock.

-Who's there?

-Interrupting one-term president.

-Interrupting one-term pres--

-BARACK OBAMA!

Parody or Desecration?

You decide.

Either way, George Lucas just made several more million dollars overnight.

Props to anyone who can name the cameos in this vid beyond Snoop Dogg and David Beckham.

Oh, and I officially don't care about the World Cup--Ecuador missed qualifying by ONE point.

Just a Phase

Hey, do you remember the smash internet phenomenon of 2004 known as homestarrunner.com?

Me neither.

How Do We Expect Our Children to Learn If We Can't Show Them?

This is perhaps the best warning to date we've ever read for one of Steven's toys.

It came off of a toy lawnmower that blows bubbles.

Please make sure your child does not follow you using this toy while you are operating a real lawn mower. Your child should play in a separate area away from the area where you are mowing.

Lawyers. They're always ruining teachable moments about landscaping with our children.

Memorial

Both of my grandfathers served in the US Army. They are my closest links to service in the military. I never really got to know either one of them. One was gone before I was born and the other passed before I was mature enough to care.

Neither ever saw combat. These were men who served as vital cogs in our well-oiled American fighting machine behind the scenes.

One was a cook.

The other was a jack-of-all-trades, performing services at various times as a jeep mechanic, jet fighter radar repairman, barber, and even a bartender. (He had specifically been commissioned a bartender by an officer who knew he was an active LDS serviceman who wouldn't drink any of the bar's inventory.)

The latter served on Enewetak Atoll.

You've likely never heard of this place, but it actually saw the world's first hydrogen bomb blast.

Grandpa was quite sick during his last years on earth. He didn't say or do much. Some in the family speculated it was due to those nuclear tests he'd been privy to--but nothing was ever proven.

The full measure of a veteran's sacrifice often is not meted out until many years after their actual service.

This is the lesson I learned from a grandfather who never spoke to me once about his time in the army.

Sometimes You Only Can Give Someone Something in Death They Never Had in Life

Gary Coleman has joined a litany of child stars on the other side of the veil.

While this could potentially spawn a bevvy of hilarious posts...for once, I'm gonna let the guy rest in peace. Perhaps in death we can restore his humanity as opposed to viewing it as the final chapter of a cautionary tale of Hollywood fame and fortune.

The good television gaveth, and the good television took away.

Guest Celebrity Mentors I'd Like to See on the Next Season of American Idol

-Neil Diamond

-The reanimated corpse of Freddy Mercury

-Prince

-The ghost of Michael Jackson

-Miranda Cosgrove*


*I'm a big iCarly fan--so sue me

Border Explorer

The country currently debates two pressing matters regarding immigration:

1. Should Arizona enforce federal immigration code through its own state law?

2. Is Dora the Explorer, in fact, an illegal alien?

The answer to both? ¡Sí!

Motorhead Is Not Just A Name For A Band...

Alright, I'll admit it.

I'm a car nerd.

I don't know if it's my current line of work or the inevitability of becoming more like my father as I age, but I am officially geeked out by all things automotive.

I subscribe to Motor Trend, Car and Driver, and Automobile magazine and frequently can be found surfing all the major manufacturer's websites for their latest news.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

Blog posts in the future likely will whiff of gas and oil.

Yo, Tevya! If *I* Were A Rich Man...

I'd pay an Asian guy to sing Neil Diamond karaoke...poorly.

Man vs. Film

You finally got my $22.50 to see your über-duper-super-atomic blockbuster Avatar.

Happy now, James Cameron?

What You Learn When You Become A Dad #1,021

You can never have too many spare pacifiers strewn about your house.