Just Police Beat It

Every Thursday the Police Beat in The Daily Universe never ceases to amuse me. Our fair university is rife with gross disorder and wanton disregard for the law! I therefore present to you the best of law and order, Provo style.

Criminal Mischief
Nov. 4- Three vehicles in a Heritage Halls parking lot were vandalized using ketchup, mayonnaise, hot dogs, salad dressing and tomatoes. The vandals used ketchup to write vulgar messages on the hoods of the cars.

Assault
Oct. 23: An assault was reported in R Hall of Deseret Towers. One male student threw a bug on another male student who retaliated by spraying shaving cream on the male that threw the bug. Shaving cream got in the eyes of the first student and the argument quickly escalated and became a physical confrontation.

Communications Violation
Oct. 25: An employee in the Widtsoe Building reported receiving a suspicious telephone call. The female employee reported a male calling and rambling about Mormons and his alcohol abuse problem.

Criminal Mischief
Oct. 13: Officers responded to the report of a suspicious briefcase in the Eyring Science Center. Upon investigation officers found someone had simply misplaced their briefcase.

Nuisance
Oct. 13: A student reported two male students throwing acorns off the bridge near the law building on East Campus Drive, hitting another student. When questioned, the male students said they were throwing acorns into the tops of trees to see the reactions of students who thought animals were making the noises in the trees. The students were asked to stop throwing acorns.

Theft
Oct. 13: A student reported cash stolen. The student sent a letter containing cash to Eastern Europe. When the letter arrived at its destination the cash previously put in the envelope was missing.